"My Worries" by Taylor Gibson

I remember thinking… Less than four years.  I’ll be on my own, have to stand on my own--in just four years.  What will I do?  Where will I be?  Will I make it on my own?  How will I survive?  I’ll have no parents living with me to help me when I don’t understand my homework.  Now, four years later, I’m here, sitting at my desk in my dorm room, with a confused look on my face.  I pick up the phone and put it back down, knowing that my homework questions will be too difficult to explain over the phone.  I sigh as I set out to try and answer my own questions.  Hours pass, but still just a blank page.  It’s as if I left all my inspiration and ideas back at home.  Thoughts swirl around in my head, but none of them are what I want.  If only I were back home.  If only I could think straight.  If only my life would slow down, I just might be able to finish this story.

                I put the pencil down and pick up a photo album.  I laugh as I look at the picture of my best friend and me lying in the grass, with our tongues sticking out.  I miss those days—those no cares or worries in the world days.  Now, we are separated.  Separated by the fast pace of life.  I turn the page of the photo album, and there is yet another picture of my friend and me.  We’re hugging each other, smiling.  I start to cry.  It seems like ages since I’ve seen her, even though it’s been just a matter of weeks.  Tears run down my cheeks as I think about the past.  The stress built up from the past few weeks seems to be pouring out of me right at this very moment.  I stop for a split second, thinking that I’m being ridiculous.  But, soon, I continue, realizing that maybe it’s good for me to vent.

                I then begin to think about the bills that need to be paid.  Numbers run through my head, and I am feeling overwhelmed.  How can I pay for all these things?  Do I know where my next meal will come from?  Will I be able to continue to afford to go to school?  To pay for rent?  To pay for gas?  This economy takes its toll on everyone and I, myself, am experiencing this horrible situation.  This is yet another worry I am dealing with, as I’m living on my own.

                I decide to call it a night and lay down on my bed.  I take a deep breath and let it back out, as I stare at the ceiling.  I pull out a rosary and my Bible and start to pray, hoping it will take my mind off things.  If I let these things get to me, I’ll break down into pieces.  So, I try not to think of my problems, although I can’t escape.  My negative thoughts, which can’t be contained.  My worries, which cannot be forgotten.